How to lose weight fast!

So earlier this week I was working out, drove up the intensity a little, got my sweat on, you know the good stuff. After work out I was starving (I work out during lunch, have a snack before, eat lunch after). I mean it was a hunger that spoke to me as if God were my co-pilot and I was Moses. I was so hungry that I could not wait to get back to the office to nuke my veggie burger or soup, whatever was on the menu, so I didn't. I went to the Western on Highland Ave and bought a six pack of Sugar Free Jello Chocolate Pudding. I mainlined that shit. If they had been tennis balls, I would have felt sorry for the garden hose. Yum!
Fast forward three hours later, the Apocalypse came. The Four Horsemen came and spoke the numbers of the Dark Lord "666" upon my bowels. For the next 6 hours I swore that I would bring food with me from now on, that all good things in moderation. That I would never let any more puppies die at the pound and adopt them all. That I personally would end all human suffering on this planet, if this horrible affliction upon me would stop. It finally did. The next morning I was down 5 more pounds. I celebrated by having a couple Sugar Free Jello Chocolate Puddings.